A Christmas Mystery

If you were shopping for a toy for your child, and you saw a box at the store with this picture on it:

...you'd probably expect to find this inside the box:

Right? And for all of you, this would be true. However, if you're Quinn and Lauralee, when you open a box with that picture on it, you find these:

What in the world? i'm sure you're asking yourself right now. Well, you have a right to know. So here goes.

The Fisher Price Rock, Roll n' Ride was on our watchlist for Emma for Christmas for several months. It can be adjusted as a child grows older from a rocking-horse-type ride, to a big wheel with parent handle, to a standard big wheel. We kept our eyes on sale prices, and then Laura found it at Smith's Marketplace, on sale, adding to it a coupon and buying it at a killer price. We kept it hidden until the 23rd of December, when I took it to my parent's house to assemble it in preparation for Christmas morning. When I cut open the box, however, I did not find a Fisher Price Rock, Roll n' Ride. Instead I found a green purse filled with lip balm, a doorknob and deadbolt set, a Swiss Army knife and wallet set, and a roll of pink duct tape. All items were new, in original packaging, with tags attached. The only shred of a connection to the actual trike was a solitary Fisher Price sticker meant to go on the handle bar.

Beyond bewildered, I called Laura to tell her what I found. Her main cause for concern was that it was 36 hours to Christmas morning and we didn't have the main gift for our daughter. My main concern was what in the world was I going to tell the lady at the Returns desk at Smith's Marketplace.

Me: "Uh, yeah, I ... uh ... bought this box at your store and when I opened it ... uh ... it, like, didn't have any of the stuff I wanted in it. Instead it had this (dumping the random items out of the box onto the Customer Service desk)"

Clerk: "Get the crap out of my store. (On the phone) Security!!!"

Me: "No, no, I swear. Somebody -- other than me -- took out what was in here, filled the box with a purse, some duct tape, lip balm, a wallet, a knife, and a doorknob, and put it on your shelf and then I bought it."

Clerk: "Uh huh."

Me: "Right, but then I opened it and as it turns out, I don't really want a purse, some duct tape, lip balm, a wallet, a knife, and a doorknob. I kind of just want the thing on the picture on the front of the box."

Clerk: (clearly stalling until security can arrive) "Okay, why don't you tell me about any other things you bought that weren't really what you bought"

Me: "Hmmm. I can tell that you don't really believe me. I know this looks weird, but (Security Guard arrives, interrupting)

Security Guard: "I'm going to give you five seconds to leave the store before I punch you in your face."

In actuality, the folks at Smith's were quite nice, and did, in fact, believe my story and take the box back. One employee even began putting the contents of the box back on store shelves, despite the fact that none of the price tags said Smith's Marketplace on them (one said Fred Meyer, but our Smith's hasn't been a Fred Meyer in about 10 years.)

Relieved at not being punched in the face by a security guard, I realized that we may have trouble finding a replacement trike a) at this store b) at any store for a comparable price c) at any store period d) at any store period before Christmas morning. And my fears were confirmed.

There have been several movies made that chronicle the efforts of a parent, scrambling about on Christmas Eve, trying with all their might to find a popular last-minute Christmas toy for their child. None of them are funny, though, and now I know why. I spent a very long lunch break on Christmas Eve travelling across the valley, visiting all Wal-Marts, Shopkos, Targets, and K-Marts in my path. A total of 6 stores, to be exact. And by the time I checked the last one, I was not having fun. I was looking to hit somebody in the groin with a football. In a last, desperate attempt, I went to a Toys R Us, knowing very well that the item I wanted may be in stock, but also knowing that it would probably cost eight hundred dollars more than we paid for it at Smith's. But me, a broken-down and tired dad, shuffled to the back of the store, found the trike, and -- admitting defeat -- slowly signed my life away at the Toys R Us register, relying 100% that the look on Emma's face on Christmas morning would be my ultimate payoff and instantly restore in me the spirit of Christmas.

Christmas morning, bow on the steering wheel, miniature personalized "Emma" licence plate hanging down, video camera at the ready, I waited for Emma's reaction when she came down the stairs. Grumpy Emma, whose only words were "Watch T.V.?" wouldn't even look directly at the trike. When I tried to put her on it, she started screaming.

I should have just given her the purse, the lip balm, the wallet, and the doorknob. Probably not the knife.

Quinn

Oh, and by the way: I'm dying to hear what kind of explanation any of you can come up with for the box with the random contents. Leave your thoughts in the comments sections.