Merit Badge Earned: NES

I've just earned this merit badge, and you can, too. Make sure you meet all the requirements. Feel free to post a copy of the merit badge on your blog. I expect full credit, however.

Merit Badge: NES

Requirements

Do the following:

1. Before completing requirements 2 through 5, have your health-care practitioner give you a physical examination, to include the following:

a. that bright and rapid flashes of light do not cause you epilepsy

b. that your thumbs are of the proper flexibility and strength

c. that you are capable of sitting in the same seat for at least 5 hours.

Talk about how your practitioner tried to convince you to play outside and how you know that playing Nintendo is way more fun than that.

2. Explain the following:

a. The proper way to hold an NES controller

b. The difference between the standard NES controller, the NES Advantage, and the NES Max.

c. The proper actions to take when game cartridge won’t read, including:

1. The “Blow”
2. The “Breath”
3. The “Jiggle”
4. The “Jam”
5. The “Frantic Reset Push”

d. Why it is not necessary to wave your arms in an “up” motion while pushing the jump button.

2. Explain to your merit badge counselor the best games in the following genres:

a. Sports
b. Action
c. Adventure
d. Shooting
e. Silly

3. Perform the following Super Mario Brothers music themes to your counselor, either by humming or da da da-ing:

a. The standard theme, including the “time’s running out” variation

b. The underworld music
c. The underwater world music
d. The Bowser’s castle music
e. The flagpole music

4. Recite from memory the following cheat codes:

a. Mike Tyson fight on Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!
b. Extra lives on Contra
c. Turn Samus into a girl on Metroid
d. No goalies on Ice Hockey

5. Perform at least one of the following feats:

a. Defeat Great Puma in Pro Wrestling
b. Sack the opposing quarterback at least 28 times in Super Tecmo Bowl
c. Beat Medusa without the stopwatch in Castlevania
d. Beat any soccer game with any team other than Brazil
e. Complete a level of Kung Fu without throwing your controller in frustration

One step closer to my Eagle...

Quinn

Merit Badge Earned -- Citizenship in the Cubicle

One of my greatest regrets in life is that I never earned my Eagle Scout award. I'm still not sure why I didn't work harder to get it. And, unlike a college degree, you can't "go back and get" an Eagle Scout award. And even if you could, I think that I'm probably past my basket-making or rope-splicing prime.

But you can make up a bunch of funny merit badges that are a little more age appropriate. I'm proud to announce that today I completed all the requirements for my "Citizenship in the Cubicle" merit badge.

1. Discuss with your counselor what citizenship in the cube farm means and what it takes to be a good denizen of your cube farm. Discuss the rights, duties, and obligations of citizenship, and explain how you can demonstrate good citizenship in your cube farm, break room / lunch room, workplace restroom, and parking lot.

2. Do the following:

a. On a map of your cube farm, locate and point out the following:
The drinking fountain that has the best water stream
The drinking fountain that has the coldest water
The candy machine that has Peanut M&Ms
The fire exit closest to your desk
The fire exit you’ll actually use when the fire alarm goes off
The thermostat
Historical or other interesting points

b. Chart the organization of your company or department. Show the top offices and tell whether they are elected or appointed. Point out the ones who are not qualified to be doing their jobs.

3. Do the following:
a. Attend a staff meeting.
b. Takes notes without doodling.
c. Choose one of the issues discussed at the meeting where a difference of opinions was expressed, and explain to your counselor why you agree with one opinion more than you do another one. Explain why your opinion doesn’t matter and is never heeded.

4. Choose an issue that is important to the citizens of your cube farm; then do the following:
a. Find out whose fault it is.
b. With your counselor's approval, interview the person you identified in requirement 4a. Ask him or her what the deal is.
c. Share what you have learned with your counselor.

5. List some of the office supplies that are stored in your cube farm. Tell your counselor why nobody will care if they’re missing.

6. Do the following:
a. Choose a hobby outside of your cubicle that interests you and brings you happiness.
b. Using a variety of resources (including newspapers, fliers and other literature, the Internet, and volunteers), find out more about this hobby.
c. While working on this merit badge, work at least at least eighty hours of overtime. See if you have any time for your hobby. Explain why outside hobbies or interests outside of work are a bad idea. Discuss what you have learned with your counselor.

7. Develop a folder of Internet websites and games that are not blocked by your work’s Internet blocking software.

If you complete all of these requirements, you, too can earn this merit badge and display it with pride wherever you wish. All I ask is that you give me some credit.

Quinn