Single Daddy Diary; Entry Four

Dear Log,

They've been in bed for 40 minutes and I think only one of them is asleep.  I think the others are plotting something.

Highlights/Lowlights for today:

• I accidentally smacked Emma in the forehead with a piece of playground equipment.  She regularly reminded me of this throughout the day, presumably when she noticed that I hadn't felt guilty about it for over 4 minutes.
• James complained (very loudly) about me....to his Star Wars action figures.  It's unclear if he did this because he knew I was listening and he wanted to vent his frustration, or just because his Star Wars guys are good listeners.
• We finally made it over to the church to play in the gym today, and promptly shot a nerf rocket into an irretrievable spot in the rafters.  Part of me wanted to get a facilities ladder and climb up there to get the rocket and find what I am sure is 30 years of other random sporting equipment.  But the other part of me didn't want to fall 40 feet off and ladder and die.  I am confident that the existence of our rocket in a rafter in the church gym will continue to be a source of trauma every Sunday from now on, as we walk by.
• Also at the church I uttered the following gems:
• "We came here to have fun.  If you're not having fun, we're going to leave."
• "You can't always win all the time.  If you're going to act like this every time you lose, we're going to leave."
• "Staying where I can see you was one of the rules.  If you're not going to follow the rules, we're going to leave."
• Note: eventually we did leave.
• At bath time there was a very unfortunate nipple twisting incident which necessitated a talk about private parts AGAIN.
• At some point today -- I have no clue when -- James changed his shirt.  I only realized this when I was Spray 'N Washing chocolate frosty on his white shirt when I realized he started the day wearing a red shirt.  I point this out only to confess that I dread the day when I lose one of my kids at Lagoon, and have to describe him to a security guard.  "Uh, let's see...he's a boy.  Yes.  He's got a boy haircut and he looks like a 4-year-old, and he was wearing clothes....I'm not sure what his clothes looked like but there's a really good chance they've got chocolate frosty stains on them."
• Million-dollar idea: Some kind of codpiece for dads to wear when their kids climb/jump/cannonball onto their laps for books at bedtime.
• Speaking of Spray 'N Wash...wouldn't it just save time to make a detergent that is entirely made up of Spray 'N Wash?  I think it was easier for me tonight to point out areas of James' shirt that were not stained.
• There are clothes in the dryer that I washed 3 days ago.  At some point today I lost one of Mia's pacifiers.  I haven't made my bed all week.  I consider it a victory that I showered the last 4 days.  I didn't remember to give the kids their vitamins at any dinner so far.  There is the same number of vegetables in the fridge right now as there was when Lauralee left.

The kids are all silent now.  Either they are all asleep or about to hatch an evil plot.  Either way, I'm going to bed.  Can't wait for my wife to get back tomorrow, Log.