Single Daddy Diary; Entry One

Dear Log:
Day One of watching the kids while Lauralee is at Girls Camp is nearly over, and I guess the good news is that all 3 kids are still ambulatory and breathing on their own.  The day got off to a very inauspicious start with me stumbling around the house at 4 AM looking for Pepto Bismol for not one, but two kids.  I eventually found some (yay!) only to discover that you have to 12 years old to take it (boo!)  Thankfully my kids are prone to the placebo effect: I gave them some ibuprofen and miraculously their tummies felt better.  James, however, could not get back to sleep.  I don't remember all the details after that, but I remember waking up long enough to kiss Laura goodbye, and also notice that I was asleep in a recliner in James' room with a teddy bear blanket covering about 60% of my body (all the important parts.)

At breakfast I discovered that Emma, at the ripe old age of 6, has already developed into a world class breakfast cereal snob.  I was very anxious to serve cereal at breakfast because we have a stockpile of waffles and pancakes which, in an emergency, can substitute for lunch or even dinner.  When you serve pancakes for dinner, it's quirky and fun.  When you serve breakfast cereal for dinner, it's because you spent your last cash on smokes.

I would like to point out that we are neither cereal liberals or cereal conservatives.  Yes, we have had Cookie Crunch at our house before -- only once, when Laura's couponing made it negative seven cents on sale.  But we're also not forcing Mueslix on anybody either.  This morning we had a pretty sold lineup available: Fruit Loops, Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, Apple Jacks.

Upon being offered cereal for breakfast, Emma responded:  "I only like the cereal with cookies in it.  All the other cereals are gross."  I hope she doesn't notice that we're out of Grey Poupon.

The morning went rather well; the kids responded fairly positively to their assigned chores, and we ended up out in the backyard on the swing set, where I found out that if you swing all three kids to a certain height at a certain time, you can get 4 out of the 8 swing set legs off the ground at once!  It was pretty remarkable, really.

Later in the day we had "school" which the kids surprisingly got behind.  They came to the table with their backpacks, and filled in the empty chairs with other "students" (read: stuffed animals).  Emma finally memorized Mom's cell phone number and passed off a few more sight words.  James learned how to peek (through squinted eyes) at Mom's cell phone number.  Our home address and how to tie a shoe are still works in progress.  We interrupted our learning with coloring time, where Emma drew a fancy picture to give Mom when she gets home, and James drew a ghastly picture of me with sharp orange monster teeth and a blue beard.  We also had "dance time" to get out of our chairs and shake it.  Emma picked "Single Ladies" and James picked "Tequila."  Just about the time I was congratulating myself on getting them to sit and learn on a bright summer morning, I was informed that "this is boring" and was asked "when is recess?"  That brought me back to earth.

Things passed fairly uneventfully into the afternoon; I even thought I may have a chance at a brief nap until the combination of phone call / doorbell / phone call took care of that.

In the afternoon I figure too much TV had been watched and we needed to get outside so I floated the idea of walking down to the park for a few minutes.  James was in fine form by now.  He thought it was an awful idea.  When we finally convinced him we were going; he complained that the rest of us took too long to get ready.  When I told him what park we were going to, he threw a tantrum until I pointed out that "eenie meenie miney moe" had actually selected the park he had chosen; not Emma's.  We got to the park and man, it was hot outside.  The kids played "Ninjago" during their time there.  I attempted to join in, but not being an avid viewer of "Ninjago" I struggled mightily to understand my role.  The kids tried to help me understand what Lego ninjas would do and say, but ultimately my random "karate chops" didn't pass muster.  We headed home for dinner.

Perhaps the highlight of the evening came when I was preparing dinner.  I turned around to find James, armed with a microwave splatter lid as a shield and a banana as a sword, charging at his screaming sister.  Ahhhh.....good times.

At dinner I had to convince James that he does, in fact, like chicken nuggets.  To this he preemptively replied that whatever I was going to make tomorrow night would be gross.  So I guess I don't need to try very hard tomorrow night.  James did casually mention in his blessing on the food that he wanted Heavenly Father to make sure I didn't spank anybody.  Mission accomplished!  Prayers are answered!!!!!

All day Emma had been wiggling a loose tooth, trying to get it to come out.  I checked it repeatedly but it wasn't loose enough to yank.  After dinner she began to get very anxious about it all, eventually breaking down into the "I want my mommy" cry that I had hoped wouldn't come until Thursday at the earliest.  I consoled her on the issue of the tooth, but, still wanting to be inconsolable, she launched into a hasty assertion that our house might fall down, and that's why she was now crying.

You may wonder what Mia was doing all day?  For the most part she kept to herself.  She's in a weird stage where she gains immense satisfaction from moving things from one spot to another, then back again.  After putting the kids down for bed, I noticed a garbage can, which had thankfully been emptied early today, brimming with non-garbage items.  Apparently this garbage was chosen as the final resting place for many of the items Mia had handled today.  I just emptied said garbage, and below is a comprehensive inventory:

·         A stuffed horse

·         A book: Elmo’s Opposites

·         A passalong card

·         A rubber dinosaur, I believe it is a stegosaurus

·         2 bracelets

·         Make that 2 passalong cards

·         1 of Mom’s flipflops

·         A cow puppet

·         A CD wallet of family movies

·         A princess dress-up shoe

·         2 fake jewels

·         A keychain (no keys)

·         2 shoes and 2 socks belonging to Mia (I’m actually impressed by this as our kids struggle with keeping 2 of any matching items together)

·         Emma’s entire church bag, complete with Book of Mormon inside

·         A (non-functioning) cell phone

·         A fairy that I cannot identify

·         7 fake food items

·         A giant bag of baby wipes

·         Emma’s winter hat (how does anybody find a winter hat in the middle of July, much less a toddler?)

In conclusion I can say this about my day: despite my good intentions, I still let the kids watch way more TV than I planned on.  I keep a very tidy kitchen when I'm in charge, although I can't say much for the other rooms in the house.  I am already craving adult interaction.