There has been at least a small degree of interest regarding the results of my toilet shopping last week. I am happy to say that we found a great toilet that we liked enough to offset the embarrassing image of me riding in my dad's Camry with a toilet sticking halfway out the open trunk.
If you read my last post, you may be surprised to know that we did not opt for the Niagara toilet, despite its majestic description. The fact is, that nearly every toilet had an equally amusing brand or model name, each designed (I can only presume) to ellicit strong emotions which would somehow prompt you to...well...buy a toilet. I can picture the marketing folks at the corporate headquarters pitching their name ideas...
Take, for example: the Kohler "Devonshire" toilet. 'Allo, guvnah! When you've got to go to the loo, why not 'ave a sit-down on this quaint little porcelian stool!
The Kohler "Memoirs" toilet. An antique picture frame. Playing ball with Grandpa. Summers on the farm. Fresh cookies out of the oven. And pooping. Memoirs.
The Kohler "Kathryn" toilet. I really can't think of a good one for this toilet. Unless you happen to have an ex-wife named Kathryn...
The American Standard "Cadet" toilet. Hep, two, three, four, LIFT, two, three, four, ZIP, two, three, four, AAAHHHH, two, three, four. Enjoy the efficiency of a military bathroom experience, without all the other soldiers looking at you.
The Kohler "Pinoir" toilet. Enjoy the finer things in life. Sip some wine. Enjoy some art. Have a seat. Let nature take care of the rest.
The American Standard "Town Square" toilet. Remember in the old days when there was only one flush toilet per town and it was located in the middle of the town square? You don't? Hmmm, maybe we should have thought of a better name for this one...
The American Standard "Baby Devoro" toilet. Don't let the name scare you. It doesn't devour babies.
The American Standard "Antiquity" toilet. This is really just two foot-shaped appliques that you put next to the hole in your floor.
The Pegasus "Washington" toilet. The biggest, most powerful toilet on the market. Big enough to handle all the crap in Washington.
The St. Thomas "Marathon" toilet. Strap in, buddy. You're going to be here awhile.
The St. Thomas "Marathon II" toilet. You're a slow learner, aren't you?
But, for those of you curious enough to have read this far, the Lavenders selected the Kohler "Cimarron" toilet. Giddy up, parder! Drop your chaps here, saddle up and mind your behind, there may slivers!
The Cimarron is designed to allow you to use either the standard 1.6 liters per flush, or the water-saving 1.28 liters per flush. I inaugurated the toilet on Saturday night. I think we'll leave it on 1.6 lpf for now...
I could have written for hours. Here are some of the other funny toilet names:
Victoria
Constitution
Vicki
Cottage Collection
Mariner
Colony
Come to think of it, I can't think of a toilet name that wouldn't be funny. Can you?
Quinn
5 comments:
I loved this post! Encore!
If I was the owner of a toilet company I would most definitely hire you for all of my advertising needs...you're a natural when it comes to naming/explaining/selling toilets Quinn!
always with the poop and pee jokes!
Hope you're making a book out of all your posts. You'd never need to work again.
Aunt P
..........oops, maybe "P" was the wrong way to sign this one.
Oh Quinnnnnnnnn YOU ARE SOOO FUNNY! I laughed until I cried!
You SHOULD write for a living!
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