Last night, while driving through the parking lot at the library, I saw a scene that made me laugh out loud. Picture, if you will, a middle-aged, overweight man leaning against his parked car with his back facing the driveway. Picture, if you can, the man with long, scraggly (and I don't use this word very often): nappy, dark hair down past his shoulders. Picture a man with a disgustingly unkempt beard. Picture this man leaning against a beat up old car covered with rock and roll bumper stickers and vanity licence plate that says "Sabbath." Picture this man talking on a cell phone while he leans against his car, his butt kind of sticking out. Picture, if you must, the grungiest, holiest (and I'm not talking 'sanctified' here) jeans you can possibly imagine. Picture this man wearing a retro AC/DC shirt with 3/4 length sleeves -- you know, the old 'baseball t-shirt'. Picture the T-shirt hugging his ripples, whilst displaying the phrase "Highway to Hell Tour 1977." Picture this shirt to be 2 inches too short in the torso. And picture about 4 inches of this man's butt crack sticking out for every driver in the parking lot see. Why do I ask you to picture it? Because I don't have a cell phone with a camera, so I'll never be able to properly give this man his credit.
I drove past him, and while I looked for a parking spot I also looked to see if there were hidden cameras around. The scene just seemed too surreal. But there this man was, in all his glory, apparently completely unaware that he was turning an ordinary parking lot into a PG-13 parking lot. I parked my car and walked past the man toward the library, and he didn't even flinch, just kept flashing each car that drove past. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I paused before going in to the library to watch the faces of other drivers. He was literally standing in an area where every driver coming into the lot had to look directly at him, if they were going to look out their windshield at all. The first car that passed had 2 ladies in it. Their windows were up, so I could not hear them, but I could see they were both giggling uncontrollably. I stood there, my hand on the library door, just trying to take the whole scene in, wishing I could take a picture of this to share with my blog friends, and feeling sorry that I don't have a camera phone. The next car that drove past had two guys in it. They were also laughing, and just before I walked in the library, I saw their car pull directly behind the offending butt crack, the window roll down, and the driver snap a picture...with his cell phone.
When I came out of the library, the man was still there, standing in the same spot, still talking on his cell phone. The back of his shirt was awkwardly tucked into his jeans, though. Perhaps the gentle evening breeze across his skin reminded him instinctually to check his 'exposure level.' Perhaps a good samaritan alerted him to his peeping pompies. Either way, the moment was gone. And all I have to remember it is this blog post.
Quinn
I drove past him, and while I looked for a parking spot I also looked to see if there were hidden cameras around. The scene just seemed too surreal. But there this man was, in all his glory, apparently completely unaware that he was turning an ordinary parking lot into a PG-13 parking lot. I parked my car and walked past the man toward the library, and he didn't even flinch, just kept flashing each car that drove past. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I paused before going in to the library to watch the faces of other drivers. He was literally standing in an area where every driver coming into the lot had to look directly at him, if they were going to look out their windshield at all. The first car that passed had 2 ladies in it. Their windows were up, so I could not hear them, but I could see they were both giggling uncontrollably. I stood there, my hand on the library door, just trying to take the whole scene in, wishing I could take a picture of this to share with my blog friends, and feeling sorry that I don't have a camera phone. The next car that drove past had two guys in it. They were also laughing, and just before I walked in the library, I saw their car pull directly behind the offending butt crack, the window roll down, and the driver snap a picture...with his cell phone.
When I came out of the library, the man was still there, standing in the same spot, still talking on his cell phone. The back of his shirt was awkwardly tucked into his jeans, though. Perhaps the gentle evening breeze across his skin reminded him instinctually to check his 'exposure level.' Perhaps a good samaritan alerted him to his peeping pompies. Either way, the moment was gone. And all I have to remember it is this blog post.
Quinn
7 comments:
You most certainly deserve a new cell phone after that story - you're hilarious.
Priceless!! That was an HD description! You had me at NAPPY! hahahaha
I bet if you search the web today you'll be able to find a picture of that man's crack somewhere.
Camera phones + Internet + voyeuristic society = unending entertainment
Are you sure not having a picture of the oozing crack is a bad thing?
peeping pompies ?????
who needs a camera when you can write like that?
"Pompies" is a word they use in Ecuador to mean "butt cheeks." There's even a brand of diapers down there called "Pompies." It's one of the few slang words I managed to pick up. There's a funny story about how I learned that word; it will have to wait for another time.
Quinn
Post a Comment