One of my greatest regrets in life is that I never earned my Eagle Scout award. I'm still not sure why I didn't work harder to get it. And, unlike a college degree, you can't "go back and get" an Eagle Scout award. And even if you could, I think that I'm probably past my basket-making or rope-splicing prime.
But you can make up a bunch of funny merit badges that are a little more age appropriate. I'm proud to announce that today I completed all the requirements for my "Citizenship in the Cubicle" merit badge.
1. Discuss with your counselor what citizenship in the cube farm means and what it takes to be a good denizen of your cube farm. Discuss the rights, duties, and obligations of citizenship, and explain how you can demonstrate good citizenship in your cube farm, break room / lunch room, workplace restroom, and parking lot.
2. Do the following:
a. On a map of your cube farm, locate and point out the following:
The drinking fountain that has the best water stream
The drinking fountain that has the coldest water
The candy machine that has Peanut M&Ms
The fire exit closest to your desk
The fire exit you’ll actually use when the fire alarm goes off
The thermostat
Historical or other interesting points
b. Chart the organization of your company or department. Show the top offices and tell whether they are elected or appointed. Point out the ones who are not qualified to be doing their jobs.
3. Do the following:
a. Attend a staff meeting.
b. Takes notes without doodling.
c. Choose one of the issues discussed at the meeting where a difference of opinions was expressed, and explain to your counselor why you agree with one opinion more than you do another one. Explain why your opinion doesn’t matter and is never heeded.
4. Choose an issue that is important to the citizens of your cube farm; then do the following:
a. Find out whose fault it is.
b. With your counselor's approval, interview the person you identified in requirement 4a. Ask him or her what the deal is.
c. Share what you have learned with your counselor.
5. List some of the office supplies that are stored in your cube farm. Tell your counselor why nobody will care if they’re missing.
6. Do the following:
a. Choose a hobby outside of your cubicle that interests you and brings you happiness.
b. Using a variety of resources (including newspapers, fliers and other literature, the Internet, and volunteers), find out more about this hobby.
c. While working on this merit badge, work at least at least eighty hours of overtime. See if you have any time for your hobby. Explain why outside hobbies or interests outside of work are a bad idea. Discuss what you have learned with your counselor.
7. Develop a folder of Internet websites and games that are not blocked by your work’s Internet blocking software.
If you complete all of these requirements, you, too can earn this merit badge and display it with pride wherever you wish. All I ask is that you give me some credit.
Quinn
6 comments:
Good idea. I think I'll work on this one to put towards my palms. Did you come up with all of that?
Trust me, getting your Eagle...not getting your Eagle... You soar to the same heights.
(In an odd, yet related story, one time this old scout guy with a creepy lazy eye yelled at me when he found out that I didn't have "Eagle Scout" on my resume. However, it turns out that potential employers care more about those degrees you can go back for.)
I did write the requirements myself. Patent pending.
Quinn
You have way too much time on your hands..
Do you distribute some type of sash or kicky uniform to display the badge on?
Unfortunately I can't earn that one at the moment, because well I don't working a cubical of work at all, but maybe I can build a cubical in the band room and fake it. Dang, that would go against the scout law; being trustworthy.
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